Money tends to be one of the top causes of friction between couples. When it comes to finance, conversations can be challenging even at the best of times, and relationship destroying where there’s a perceived imbalance.

That’s because there is so much shame and judgment related to money, so people often feel attacked no matter what the conversation is really about.

But it is possible to create more positive conversations around money. Here’s where to start if you have a or intend to have a joint household budget account:

1. Be open and honest

It’s really hard to be vulnerable. Money can come with shame especially if one party came into the relationship with an existing STD (sexually transmitted debt). This may sound funny but it’s real and not that uncommon so, it’s essential that you’re honest with your loved ones.

Ask them to listen to your money story without judgment, and tell them about any hang ups or negative history you have with money. Discuss your financial dreams to confirm that there is an alignment between the two of you.

This will help them to understand you better, and if your partner happens to be the one sharing, listen and try to understand how it must feel for them to be in such a venerable situation.

Hopefully this will help you both feel less isolated with your financial issues and help improve your relationships.

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2. Use positive language

There are always a lot of negative thoughts and language that come up related to money when one party in the relationship spends household budget on items that they aren’t suppose to.

A budget feels limiting and restrictive. Watching our spending feels like punishment. But it really doesn’t have to be that way.

The more we shift our language to be more positive, the better we will feel about managing money more closely, and the easier it will be to talk about money. Instead of using language like “why did you waste money on that,” say things like “we can’t afford that.”

3. Lead with your goals’

Creating shared goals is a great way to connect around money and get on the same page financially. A successful relation needs to have couples who are committed to similar financial goals, so that you can support each other in reaching them.

If one of you financially strays, instead of just saying that “you need to spend less in order to save money for the house” or that “your spending is driving us broke,” be specific. Explain that there is a cost to your goal for example.

Are you trying to save money so that you can buy a home someday? Explain these things to your partner when you talk about your goals (instead of failure to save a deposit due to overspending).

Not only is that better for maintain peace in the relationship, but it will make your loved one more receptive to keeping within the budget guidelines.

4. Ask for and offer support

We all do better when we have a partner who wants the same things as us. Accountability is really hard on our own.

You could set weekly money dates, where you both review your spending and compare with your monthly budget. You could plan fun, affordable outings together. It’s easier to keep working towards a goal when we know we’re not alone.

So, go ahead. Have some financial conversations with your significant other. Hopefully these guidelines, will make your conversation much more positive and productive.

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This article does not constitute advice; readers should seek independent and personalised counsel from a trusted adviser that specialises in property, a tax accountant and property design specialist.